hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
