that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
