Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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