I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
