I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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