I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
