i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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