No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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