I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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