What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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