I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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