Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
