shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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