Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
