Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it glows. i had to have it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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