now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
try to milk me bitch
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
