is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
