if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
