do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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