Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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