I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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