How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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