So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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