I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
