His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i out mim tonsoeep
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