did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
