Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
