its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
