my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
