Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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