thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
