There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
