so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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