I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
