I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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