she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn victory sex feels great
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
