why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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