I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
