During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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