my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
