just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
