Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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