we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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