i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
