Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
