Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize