This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
