I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
