I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
