well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize