Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
