I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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