he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
