Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
