If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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