why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
