Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
