Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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