he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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