I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its about making memories worth repressing
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
