my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
