Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
