Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
