i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My cat gives me a boner
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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