thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
