when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
