after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
