ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
