i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
