Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
