she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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