the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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